JOB HUNTER X HUNTER asks: Dear Pauls, I'm a long time reader, first time advise asker. I just wanted to know if you have any tips for not getting discouraged by multiple rejections during a job search?
Good Paul says:
Well firstly I want to offer solidarity and sympathy. Rejection is rough, whether it’s personal or professional. People cope with rejection differently, but it’s never fun.
There’s a practical side and an emotional side to dealing with repeated rejections.
I am tempted to give banal job-hunting advice here to address the practical side, since you don’t be discouraged any more when your search pays off, but that isn’t what you asked for and you almost certainly already know everything I would say: tailor your resume to the job; apply for jobs you are qualified for; apply a lot; follow-up.
But the emotional side is more profound, I think. It’s draining and disheartening to keep trying when you feel like your best efforts haven’t been enough in the past, and knowing that rejections are often not personal doesn’t necessarily help them not to feel personal. It can feel like every specific rejection is a negative appraisal of your value.
Remember that rejection happens for all kinds of reasons, and often those reasons aren’t a reflection on the person who is rejected. If three equally qualified people apply for one job then it’s not a slight on the two who are rejected, it’s just an unavoidable reality. I’m sure you know that, but knowing something intellectually is not the same as feeling it.
In the long term, work at detaching your self-worth from job applications and from rejection in general. Desensitize yourself to rejection by seeking it on purpose. Apply to a job you know you are not qualified for, or ask for an unreasonable favour from a stranger. Rejection exposure sounds painful and maybe a little silly, but although experiencing rejection might not feel like it has any upside at first, avoiding it only makes anxieties and fears grow.
In the short term, give yourself a win in other venues. Your job search isn’t going your way right now, so set yourself up for success in some other area while you’re dealing with those repeated rejections. Devote some time every day to a hobby that makes you feel competent; spend some time with someone who thinks you’re great; set yourself a small achievable goal and then achieve it, even if it’s something like “do the dishes” or “make cookies”.
I’m rooting for you.
Bad Paul says:
You can’t fail at what you don’t try, Hunter. That’s science.
Stop applying for jobs, or trying anything you aren’t already succeeding at. In general, lower your expectations to the point that they meet where you already are.
“But if I stop applying for a job, where will I get money?” Is what I imagine you saying. I can’t actually hear you because that’s not how writing works.
Firstly: a budget is a raise you give yourself. I saw that on a sitcom about a department store. So you can make money just by spending less money. Here are a few tips:
Eat potatoes.
Save on your heating bills by wearing layers. Many many layers.
Save on transportation costs by walking everywhere. Just make sure you leave nice and early!
Save on housing costs by inheriting a haunted house.
Secondly: you can make money without applying for a job through the growing “crime” industry. Be creative with it!
You can start with scams. As you no doubt are aware this is an exciting field with a big future. Try to build on people’s insecurities or fears, or to unite them against some imaginary enemy. You could tell people you’re a nutritionist and you can guarantee improved health outcomes through the use of your unique system! Don’t worry, you don’t actually need a system, it’s a scam! Or you could tell people that you have found a foolproof method for growing their income! Remember, you don’t actually need a method.
If scams aren’t enough, move on to extortion and theft! From shoplifting to major theft, stealing is a great way to get money without a job, which means without rejection!
And yes, people will try to stop you from your life of crime. But that’s the opposite of rejection. When you’re the subject of a police investigation you may have other troubles, but rejection won’t be one of them. You can’t be rejected when you’re wanted, after all.