Psychological Happiness Is Low, Private asks: Should I declare I have depression?
Good Paul says:
Please forgive me if I’m misunderstanding the question and the situation here, PHILIP, but I think what you’re asking is “should I disclose that I have depression?” It’s not a simple situation. If you have a mental illness—whether it’s depression or anything else—you may well feel like it’s nobody’s business but yours. On the other hand, hiding your depression may feel like you are acting like it’s shameful or embarrassing. But mental illness isn’t shameful, and it shouldn’t be embarrassing. In an ideal world you should be free and comfortable telling anybody that you have depression, because there should be no stigma attached.
We don’t live in an ideal world, though.
You should absolutely tell somebody. I’m assuming that you have a formal diagnosis from a mental health professional. If that’s not the case, then the first person to tell is your doctor. Tell them how you’re feeling, and what you want from them: are you looking for medication, or therapy, or just professional advice? Professional help exists and I encourage you to seek it.
If you already have—if you have a diagnosis and all the professional help you need—then there are other people you should tell. Depression, like most kinds of mental illness, can feel isolating and very lonely. You know your family, friends, and support network better than I do, and without any more details I can’t judge who is appropriate to tell, but I think you will feel less alone if you tell someone who isn’t paid to help you. A family member, a friend, a romantic partner: share with someone what is going on with you. It is vulnerable to do so, but sharing vulnerability is how we develop closeness with other people.
Beyond that, you don’t need to tell anyone unless you think it’s important that they know. Certainly I don’t think it’s any business of your employer’s (if you have a job) or your school’s (if you are in school) or any of your other professional connections. But I’m glad you told me, PHILIP, and I’m rooting for you.
Bad Paul says:
PHILIP, nothing ends stigma like sharing, and nothing ends systemic stigma like aggressive oversharing. You should declare that you have depression to everyone you meet, as your opener, and you should change your e-mail signature from “Best” or “Cheers” to “Yours in clinical depression!”
Declare that you have depression like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy. Anyone who has a problem with it has a problem. And you know what somebody else’s problem is? Not your problem.
One big advantage of this strategy is that once everyone you meet knows that you have depression, you can easily weaponize that knowledge. Because knowing is half the battle. So if someone asks you to do something you aren’t enthusiastic about, remind them that you would totally like to help them out, but you have depression. Remember?
Don’t forget to remind people of your depression when you want something, just as much as when you don’t. Yes, I believe an extra scoop of ice cream would help my depression. Thank you.
Now you may say to me that one of the most debilitating symptoms of depression is that you don’t really want things. But you still have whims, don’t you? Lean into the whims. Don’t be led by your whims, but rather let your whims lead others.
I’m glad you came to me with this, PHILIP. Now come to everyone else with it too.